22 December 2008

Virility Pills

Passing a Chinese health store recently, I spied a sign in the window. ‘Man Power’ was emblazoned on the sign. Obviously for increasing the strength of my arms I thought. I always wanted my muscles to be better at heavy lifting. Nothing of the sort. A nice Chinese girl/lady (c.20’s) darted out of the shop onto the street beside me and informed me, matter of factly, that the ‘Man Power’ referred not to upper-body strength, nor my arms. “They improve erection” she said innocently in a friendly Chinese accent. Ah! , I thought, Virility tablets, always wanted to try ‘em out but never got the opportunity, now my time had come.

I ventured inside the shop and immediately my nostrils were filled with a sanitising aroma, similar to the dentists but without the fear of drills present. The girl/lady (c.20’s) I spoke to outside was now joined by an older, female colleague who didn’t speak English. There for supervisory purposes, I thought. The tablets cost E50 for a packet of about a dozen – obviously my state supplied bank account didn’t stretch that far. However the nice young assistant must have been schooled in commerce for she soon had me walking out of the place clasping a nice authentic Chinese paper box containing precisely three Penis strengthening tabs costing E15. But I’m worth it!

How did the things work? Well I took one early one evening and nothing happened for a good while. By the middle of the night (c.2am) I was as hard as granite. Would my Penis ever be flaccid again? Could it be seen through my clothes? Walking may be difficult. These were the thoughts going through my mind. After about an hour or so, though, my erection had gone down and for the following 48 hours there would be after-shocks – plenty of quick hard-on’s that went on for roughly 10 mins each.

Some viewers of a sensitive disposition will be appalled at the unnatural stimulants used but, being single; it does bring its excitement. I’ll never have to wank again. No doubt the girl/lady, who sold me the tablets, probably thought I was married and that my wife was crap at foreplay. I called back to the health store a few days later to thank my Oriental sales assistant and there was mutual satisfaction. Unfortunately not of the sexual nature. It should be said that she was, as I find with most Chinese people in Ireland, diligent and professional in her manner. It’s hard to imagine an Irish person in the same position serving me without sniggering.

Nervous about its use, I would hesitate to recommend these tabs to just any man (most, like me probably wouldn’t need them but there still worth trying). You cannot account for the way a person can react to any sort of medication – I don’t want to be responsible for illness or death. However I found these “Man Power” capsules gave me much firmer erections and if any man experiences difficulties in that department they should at least investigate using the pills. They may save your marriage. I would say that dealing with Chinese staff is easier than the Irish: you haven’t got a clue what they’re saying and this helps lessen any embarrassment present. Now I’m off to get some more, I’m feeling horny, horny, horny……

15 December 2008

Marching for Zimbabwe (December 2008)

The following article was written as a report. It was requested by one of my teachers in the college in which I am doing my Journalism course. A few months ago I attended and blogged on a similar march, however unlike my earlier blog this was a different march entirely and is done more in the style of a report.



Assembly at the Central Bank plaza was scheduled to be at noon. Initially there were only a few present but after around half an hour of organising the few had grown to roughly 50 activists and supporters. We set off for Leinster House with the instructions that we were not to chant political songs.

This march was organised to express solidarity with Zimbabweans currently going through a humanitarian disaster. Cholera has been responsible for hundreds of deaths and inflation is now at over 230,000,000 per cent. Our MC for the demo was a six foot Zimbabwean by the name of Leonard and he wasted no time in praising the Gardai who were allowing us to tread on streets usually reserved for traffic.

The march started at Dame Street and went through Nassau Street before making its way up Kildare Street and paused outside the gates of Leinster House as photographers swarmed around taking shots. We’d be world famous, someone said. More like a small photo tucked away in the Evening Herald, another replied. The congregation then quietened and a number of public figures addressed us.

First to speak, to the shivering listeners, was a representative of Trocaire. He was angry and made no bones in telling us about the outrageous abductions going on in Zimbabwe at the moment. In particular Jestina Mukoko’s disappearance was condemned and we were informed that life expectancy for women was 34 years of age and 37 for men.

Seamus Dooley (NUJ General Secretary) then spoke to the crowd and he said his union would be in contact with counterparts abroad to try and maintain pressure to allow a free, independent media – something not allowed in Zimbabwe at the moment. Mr Dooley was scathing of the authorities in that country and he pointed out the importance, to a democratic nation, of having a free press.

Leonard (our MC), then introduced Deirdre De Burca (Green Party) to the throng. She also spoke about the abduction, on 3rd December last, of Jestina Mukoko and we became aware of the climate of fear and hatred in today’s Zimbabwe.

‘A nation that was once the bread basket of Africa and is now a basket case’ was a phrase used several times by speakers. Eoin Ryan MEP (Fianna Fáil) recalled that he had a Fruit and Vegetable business in Nassau Street about 20 years ago. His best produce for sale at the time originated in Zimbabwe but Mr Ryan said that if he was selling the same food today it would probably be the worst quality due to the decline in Zimbabwe’s economy. He said that the EU is trying to tackle the Mugabe junta and make life as difficult as possible for the southern African dictator. Mr Ryan was greeted by cheers.

Joe Costello TD (Labour) assured Zimbabweans, and those concerned, that Irish politicians fully backed efforts to challenge the human rights abuses which has led to the exodus of literally millions of Zimbabweans from their homeland. Senators David Norris and Feargal Quinn were both outside Leinster House to lend their support.

Despite the cold weather, people were determined to holler their approval. ‘Thank you Ireland’ could be heard and after a few brief prayers we were implored to lobby our politicians and others of influence in Irish society. Action was needed to stem the Zimbabwean humanitarian crisis currently gripping the country. Many people only ate every three days and some were even forced to eat food made from cow dung to fill them, not something us Irish will have to endure.

Kildare Street, today, was bitterly cold but we should be all be thankful for our rights. Unfortunately not everyone is afforded the luxury of protest and the freedoms enjoyed by those demonstrating in Dublin today sadly do not extend to the streets of Harare.

After approximately two hours the crowd dispersed but with a renewed vigour in the continuing fight for justice in Zimbabwe.




08 December 2008

Cocaine and Cannabis

It’s Saturday and no doubt thousands of people will be using ‘Charley’ (Cocaine to you and me) up and down the country tonight. Here’s what Dr Chris Baker, cardiology unit at Hammersmith Hospital, London says about ‘Coke’:

“Cocaine is a powerful stimulant with effects similar to adrenaline. It reduces the re-uptake of noradrenaline and dopamine at nerve endings, increasing blood pressure, making your heart beat faster and more forcefully, and increasing the heart’s oxygen demand. It can also make coronary arteries to spasm, reducing or stopping the heart’s blood supply, and makes the blood more sticky and likely to form clots. All of those things can cause chest pain or a heart attack.”

Not very glamorous. If people are going to use the stuff they should at least be informed about it. Having a damaged nose (like former Eastenders star Daniella Westbrook) could be the least of your worries.

On Thursday, 6th December 2007 a top Irish model, Katy French, died in hospital. She was 24 years old. In the weekend before her death, Ms French had attended a house party where she became ill. In a Hot Press interview the model had admitted using Cocaine in her past: “Cocaine is everywhere but I just wanted to say that it’s not cool, it’s not attractive…”

It’s generally known that the drug in question is widely used among socialites in Dublin. Cocaine is highly addictive and can suppress one’s appetite – something of great concern to many young women these days. Furthermore ‘the Devil’s dandruff’ is illegal in nearly every part of the world where it is used in many social, cultural and personal settings.

In the Observer newspaper, recently, there was a supplement on drugs where several politicians were featured. They openly admitted using Cannabis. The drug’s classification is regularly reviewed by the British government and, according to an Observer survey, 32 per cent of all respondents believe the drugs laws, in the UK, are too liberal.

Drug use has become widespread and indeed you are looked upon as rather an oddball if you haven’t touched the stuff (ecstasy, cannabis, cocaine). However, as the Observer supplement says: ‘if any politician was exposed as a chronic junkie, his or her career would be over immediately’. So MP’s must be disciplined in their use but in the fields of arts and entertainment it is quite acceptable to partake in illegal substances. Although too many, in the latter occupation, have died in the pursuit of mind-altering drugs.

In Ireland there has been an upsurge in Head Shops and they are portrayed, by the owners, as being clean and safe places to try out what amounts to illegal drugs. In the media, if there is any discussion at all, it seems that Hot Press magazine has kick-started debate. Many of the writers at HP have either chosen to voice quiet support themselves or have interviewed people who have a pro-drugs view.

Let me be clear, by no means am I saying that all those who write at the famous Irish lifestyle mag are in favour of breaking the law. However they do seem to have, along with others in the media, an interest in bringing the views of users and dealers to readers’ attention on a regular basis. But in its favour the honesty displayed by Hot Press is admirable if nothing else. They have set the bar high and no other publication better informs the reader on the drugs issues in Ireland.

I know someone who has regularly taken cocaine and that person has told me that no-one ever speaks about why people take it. Could it be that it’s enjoyable? Why do most people drink alcohol, eat chocolate, smoke legal cigarettes, and sip coffee/tea? Surely the main reason for imbibing such substances is enjoyment.

However the enjoyment of taking drugs needs to be balanced against the dangers that can accrue from regular use. Not to mention the very real possibility of premature death. In Irish life, from Phil Lynott to Katy French, drugs have and will always be around. For the coming generations there will still be narcotics available and it is our duty to tell them the truth: not the Hot Press cheerleaders but also not the government nannies. There needs to be better ways of informing young people without alienating them. After that let them experience life on their own terms. We owe them the truth. It would be a serious injustice if we failed in that regard.

01 December 2008

Television coverage of the 2008 Labour Party Conference

This week the Fás director, Rody Molloy, has resigned following the exposé of his over-indulgence in luxury, at taxpayers expense. Following Senator Shane Ross’s investigations, Mr Molloy angered the public. Many were appalled at his jetting around at a time when people are being laid off along with the economic downturn. He didn’t commit criminal activity, it’s just his extravagance has come at a bad time. Mr Molloy did his decent duty and, following severe criticism in the media, resigned. Fás, one imagines, has been rocked by this news. There will have to be reform implemented for people’s confidence to return to Ireland’s top employment / training agency.

It’s Saturday morn and the television is on. We are greeted by Michael D Higgins in his typical, forthright and fighting best. He is addressing the Labour Party Conference being held in Kilkenny. I have a lot of time for MDH and he has considerable experience in foreign affairs. It is a shame he was never a tenant in Iveagh House. He was wearing, what looked like, a hastily put on tie. Always a passionate speaker he spoke on the importance of the unity of the left in Ireland. I am non-partisan when it comes to Irish politics however I have long admired this Galway TD with his super-intellect. We need more people like Mr Higgins in public life. Bono once said he’d be ‘pissed off’ if MDH wasn’t in government. Not half as much as me, Mr Hewson.
Next to speak was Joan Burton TD. She spoke in rather sonorous tones but, like an abandoned car alarm, I got used to her siren. Opening her speech she told delegates she’d got her hair done (a reference to Mary Harney’s media hounding over her follicle expenses). Speaker after speaker addressed delegates and they included: Manuel Cortes (British Trade Unionist), Willie Penrose TD, Roisín Shortall TD and Joanna Tuffy TD.
Jack O’Connor of SIPTU talked, or rather preached, to delegates in an extremely passionate manner. Mr O’Connor was scathing of the current government. I thought his glasses were going to fall off, at one point, like a skier going off the piste. JO’C had a rather aggressive speaking style (similar to another Unionist north of the border). He angrily denounced the government along with the banking system. If the Labour Party was more powerful, a la Fianna Fáil, Mr O’Connor’s clout would be near insurmountable.

Labour has, electorally, a much lower attraction to voters. Around 20 – 30 seats in the Dáil is about as far as they can go. It’s the ‘glass ceiling’. The Irish people will be closer to the economic policy engineered by the likes of Charlie McCreevy (former Finance minister) rather than Labour’s economic doctrine. However left-wing politics is grounded in a political ideology that seems never to have been fully embraced by Fianna Fáil or Fine Gael. From the era of William Martin Murphy to that of Michael O’Leary, Labour has always stood up fro workers rights, even if they represent a minority.

I’m watching David Begg (SIPTU) speaking. He, like JO’C, sports a beard but is less angry in the way he speaks. Intellectual rigour appears to be his style. Indeed he’s considered and logical. I imagine he would be good at reminding a more right-wing government of its responsibilities. He politely tells those listening of the depressing economic outlook in Ireland right now. Mr Begg talks of the importance of Irish people to spend and spend (like Mr Brown’s fiscal stimuli in the UK). Keynes, as well as other economists, gets name-checked and Begg earns warm applause when he speaks of the ‘Credit Crunch’. He provides a clear analysis of the current problems – nearly everyone has their own analysis – that face the Irish economy and of workers rights. Mr Begg finishes his speech by quoting, scourge of the left, Donald Rumsfeld: "I used to think I was wrong but by then I thought that I was wrong to think I was wrong". He has the delegates reeling.

Of all those who spoke this morning the most impressive was Seán Sherlock TD. The Cork deputy opened a well crafted speech with reference to Marx (Groucho, not Karl) and delegates duly chuckled. Lean and well dressed, Mr Sherlock spoke clearly and finished his address by quoting from Billy Bragg’s book The Progressive Patriot. I hope and expect Mr Sherlock’s star to rise.

The news, this morning, is headed by the Taoiseach’s meeting with County Councillors. He may also need to listen to those gathered in Kilkenny this Saturday morn in late November 2008. There is a distinct chill in the air and I’m not referring solely to the weather. Economic matters demand attention and this conference is unlikely to offer Mr Cowen much respite.
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