Prostitution - My Experience

When women speak of prostitution they usually describe the oldest profession in the world as 'sordid', 'sad' and the men that visit, termed 'vile'.

Last July I visited one of these ladies in a last ditch attempt to gain some sexual experience. Over the years I have had problems making friends, sexually, with girls and now women. I never knew, or indeed know, how to approach someone I like and want to be with and each year, near to my birthday, I was increasingly anxious about my total lack of experience.

It is clear that I'd never become sexually active unless I visited a prostitute. I'm glad to say that that serious problem in my life has ended. If prostitution never existed it is doubtful that I could resolve this issue in my life. I am a firm believer that sex should be consensual and any sort of coercion towards a woman would be unthinkable for me, therefore having sex with an escort was my only option.

Many believe that prostitution is wrong and I don't disagree - it's a disgrace that women should be forced into doing something that can feel degrading. Also men should think carefully about using such 'services' - betraying a girlfriend or wife in this way is unforgivable. But what of single men, like me?

In one sense it felt uncomfortable having sex with a woman I didn't know and there was a smattering of guilt, but my mind is now clear and I no longer dwell as much on the facts of my former virginity. Many mentally ill men may have similar feelings and it never gets mentioned.

Men are not all using their economic power to use such ladies - I have a tiny bank balance. There's probably plenty of men who are unhappy, possibly suicidal over their absence of sexual experience. If going to a prostitute helps these men then why shouldn't they be permitted to engage in activity that, after all, many others are engaging in on a daily basis.

A couple of years ago, several sex workers were brutally murdered in Ipswich (UK), and it thrusts the safety and security of prostitution under the spotlight. But I'm not a murderer, nor am I a rapist,or unfaithful,or violent or even disrespectful. I simply needed to have sexual experience. I can't lead all the women I fancy into bed and therefore it is legitimate, especially in my circumstances, to pay for sex. However everyone from clients to police to our legislaters need to give maximum protection to women who get involved in this sort of business. We owe it to them that conditions should be safe and away from harms way.

I don't doubt a level of immorality is present, but not all men who use these women are evil. So in the future my mind will be clearer regarding sex, but I am even more firmly convinced than ever before that being in a relationship is far preferrable to visiting a prostitute. Loving someone is much more rewarding than half an hour of carnal knowledge with someone you don't know. Of that I am certain.

An Education

Set in 1960s London, this film is based on the memoirs of veteran journalist, Lynn Barber and is full of the lifestyle of those times. Jenny (Carey Mulligan) is studying for exams, which her parents are hoping will enable her to get into Oxford University.

On a miserably wet day the girl is returning from Cello class when a middle aged man, David (Peter Sarsgaard), in an attractive car, asks if she needs a lift, but puts the Cello in the car while Jenny walks alongside. In the pouring rain! This chance encounter tees us up for the rest of the film.

David eventually brings the 16 year old with him to a concert of classical music in Smith Square, but only before parental approval is granted. Later in the film, after having sweetened Jenny’s father (Alfred Molina), David takes her to Paris, where life is a little looser.

Through scene after scene of this pleasant, but quite plain, film the relationship between David and Jenny grows. One senses sex is on the agenda, despite Jenny informing her older companion that she’s not ready yet. Further fun follows and eventually David lays his cards on the table and proposes to the secondary school pupil. When the school principal (Emma Thompson) is informed of the impending nuptials, there is no going back to study, or is there?

But Jenny’s delight quickly turns sour when she discovers that her fiancé is already married. This presents considerable difficulties: how does she tell her parents of the break – up? What about her studies? In the end everything is resolved and young woman (the actor is really 24) decides she wants to go to Oxford, abandoning her earlier plans to marry a man much older than her.

The film finishes with scenes of Jenny cycling around the environs of Oxford University. By this stage she has become more in control of her life. Most of those at this cinema seemed to be elderly and female and this the best audience for a film of this kind.

An Education is a nice, easygoing way to spend an afternoon, even if it’s a little sanitised. Definitely worth a view, though. By the way doesn’t Peter Sarsgaard look the image of British cabinet minister, Ed Balls? Maybe the latter was an actor all along.

David McWilliams

David McWilliams was educated, first in Dublin’s Blackrock College and then Trinity College Dublin (University). He has worked in the field of economics and spent time in London where he worked for Banque Nationale de Paris, among others.

When he returned to Ireland in 2002 he moved into broadcasting and fronted a programme on TV3, ‘Agenda’ in which he interviewed various figures in public life. With the founding of Newstalk, a Dublin based radio station specialising in news, McWilliams became the presenter of the breakfast show until 2004 when he was succeeded by Eamon Dunphy.

Not one to let the grass grow under him, McWilliams swiftly returned to broadcasting with a lunchtime debate programme, The Big Bite, on RTE television. In 2006 the Killiney based economist had his first book published, ‘The Pope’s Children’, and this kept him in the public eye, despite not having a regular television slot. However the book was criticised in the Ireland on Sunday newspaper, who claimed it had been based on a book by a writer, David Brooks.

In September 2007, McWilliams’ second book, ‘The Generation Game’, came out and spawned a three part television series. He has also hosted a satirical/discussion event ‘Leviathan’ which moves from venue to venue, but is not broadcast. It has even been taken to festival events such as ‘The Electric Picnic’.

Recently McWilliams has used his economic expertise to advise finance minister, Brian Lenihan TD. Mr Lenihan’s penchant for chewing garlic cloves was revealed to the public in the process.

In his latest tome, ‘Follow the Money’, McWilliams courts controversy by making saucy comments about a fellow broadcaster, Miriam O’Callaghan, which he says he now regrets. In an interview with the Sunday Tribune he rues the remarks: “I’m very sorry Miriam was upset by what I wrote…I never meant to suggest that she in any way used her sexuality in pursuing her career…I’m very sorry about that.”

McWilliams enjoys a high profile, courtesy of the media, and his opinions on the economy are frequently sought. He has been installed as the new host on RTE’s The Panel television show, which features some of Ireland’s top comedians. Pat Stacey, writing in the Evening Herald, says of McWilliams’ foray into the realm of entertainment: “Whoever thought it would be a good idea to make McWilliams the permanent host of ‘The Panel’ was not being very clever, but very dumb.”

Despite the criticism however, viewers can expect to see McWilliams on television screens regularly. Having brought characters such as ‘Miss Pencil Skirt’ and ‘Breakfast Roll Man’ to national prominence in the past, who knows what’s next from this red headed celebrity.

African culture and Irish life

"Are you bi? are you gay?what gender were you born?…."

The above questions were bowled my way by a charming African lady of my aquaintance. I meet her occasionally and we always have a congenial chat, but after our last chance encounter I felt a bit taken aback. My sexual experience is rather limited, it must be said, but at 37 years of age I am a confirmed hetrosexual man – no doubt about it! Being quizzed about it felt quite unusual but I always try and answer any questions put my way. Heart on sleeve.

My Kenyan friend cannot understand why I do not have a partner, despite making it clear that I don’t want to remain single. Celibacy is not for me and the frustration in finding a partner is tough. However it is only one part of life and I try not to let it get me down.

My conversation with the nice lady made me think about the cultural differences between African and Irish people. I am fortunate to have a number of African friends and some are religious, some are not, but all are fiercely intelligent. I am living in a country where cynicism co-exists with friendly banter and this doesn’t always fit the average African person.

In my experience you know where you stand with Africans and they are not given to gossip or slanderous comments. The Irish are not as gentle, though, and the emerald isle is now home to many African people. I feel that they will have to (like many of the Irish diaspora worldwide) learn to fit in to our way of life.To assimilate.

Yes we should accomodate different cultures and people but they will have to make an effort to understand Irish life. We, of course, must learn about the culture surrounding imigrants as well. If no effort is made we will end up in an atmosphere of mutual suspicion and that spells disaster.

I am fascinated by the traditions of the African diaspora in Ireland but we cannot pretend that we are a nation in the equatorial continent. Understanding each other is the key to progressing and sometimes that is missed here. My Kenyan friend, I feel, is not relaxed enough with the Irish lifestyle.

I would love to have an African girlfriend and next time I converse with my aquaintance I will ask her to assist me in this regard rather than go down the road of gender and sexual orientation, which is not really relevant to me.

The idea of showing my way of life to an African lover would be a pleasure and then, correspondingly, I can allow myself to learn more about her culture. That is the best way to grow in life and for us all to understand each other in the new, multicultural Ireland.

What’s on the telly?

Television is no longer a medium I crave; however there is a small selection of programmes that interest me and maybe you:

Merlin (Saturdays, BBC1). This fulfils my love of adventure and history. From ‘Robin Hood’ to ‘Star Wars’ every boy/man has a fondness for action and Merlin never disappoints. Starring Colin Morgan, Merlin is a friendly young sorcerer who works under the tutelage of Gaius (a long haired Richard Wilson) and uses his magical powers to dispose of the enemies of Camelot and John Hurt’s unmistakable voice is in full effect as the Dragon. This series is gaining viewers and can be viewed by adults as well as children and it’s easy to get caught up in its web of charm. Already over half way through the current series, my television will be tuned in to the remainder of this mediaeval feast.

Dating in the dark (Wednesdays, Living). A little like a Blind Date – with less light. It works by having six contestants (3 men, 3 women) and if any couples from the six decide to meet they go into a room shrouded in darkness. I’ve been watching it lately and find it to be quite a turn on. The surreal nature of what goes on is a unique feature of this show. Couples can meet in total darkness and, once they are allowed a glimpse of their chosen partner, they can get an opportunity to date. It’s not a perfect process and some contestants can be stung by the cruel way the programme is devised. However the participants deserve a medal for bravery. Enjoyable, if a little trashy.

Tonight with Vincent Browne (Monday-Thursday, TV3). Despite the title this is not a show like Conan O’Brien or David Letterman. This is a sober programme and Vincent doesn’t have a selection of jokes or celebrity guests (unless you count Arthur Scargill, one of the guests last week) and it’s not filmed in front of an audience. Browne is a veteran, weather-beaten media man and runs his nightly discussion show like a ringmaster in a circus. Thankfully he doesn’t bring a whip. Each evening he has a range of panellists and topical discussion is the order of proceedings. Having left RTE to stagnate, Browne’s insatiable desire to rib politicians never fades and the programme may win TV3 new viewers. For someone with an interest in current news the show works well. Print ‘journos’ are frequently featured and one wonders if some of them would get the same profile elsewhere. Anyhow it’s essential viewing and wraps up the day well. We Irish love to talk and that’s possibly why Browne’s show is so good. Probably the most stimulating programme on Irish television right now.

Peep Show (Fridays, Channel Four). This is quite a unique comedy series based on the conscious thoughts of the two central characters, Jeremy (Robert Webb) and Mark (David Mitchell). Their various romantic difficulties are played out and supported by characters such as ‘Dobby’, ‘Big Suze’ and ‘Super Hans’. Webb’s acting skills and facial expressions are great fun to witness. Mitchell, on the other hand is more of a comedian and a writer than an actor. Both are seen on other television programmes but it is with Peep Show that the two British stars are best known.

The Inbetweeners (Fridays, Channel Four). This comedy series is now off our screens. Hopefully this will be temporary. It features four teenagers and their exploits as they go through the latter stages of puberty. Drinking, sex and bad language are constants and the clever bonding of the characters is uplifting and humorous. The Inbetweeners is a realistic portrayal of what any group of male adolescents get up to when they are away from the parental gaze. Looks like there’ll be another series in the pipeline so stay watching.

The Thick of it (Saturdays, BBC2). I’ve just finished watching the second episode of the new series and it’s a hoot. Malcolm Tucker (Peter Capaldi) is a version of Alistair Campbell (Tony Blair’s former Press Secretary). Tucker curses his way through each episode making Gordon Ramsay sound like an Altar boy. The series is based on a government department where chaos reigns. Sheer incompetence is the central theme and provides plenty of expletive laden rants, mainly from the mouth of the ferocious Tucker. Written by Armando Iannucci, it is perhaps the best satirically styled series currently running on television and is truly unmissable.

In the desert of ‘telly land’ there are, at last, some fine pickings amongst the trash. But the above programmes are sadly the exception to the rule and one wonders if this medium will be around in the years to come. Watch this box.

Everything you ever wanted to know about Editors and Publishing Agents

www.askaboutwriting.com

Middle aged women are scattered around, everyone else is surplus. Is this going to be a bore-a-thon? Or will it be captivating? It’s just before the start and I’m yawning already. Not a good sign… There seems to be some young children attending. No doubt they, and their parents, hope to end up writing for a living.

This event is being brought to us courtesy of the DLR County Council and is part of a series being curated by Dermot Bolger (DB). In the past I’ve found some of these talks quite introspective. But my passion for writing is the motivation for my attendance.

A couple in front of me have arms clamped around each other’s shoulders, romantically, as the hum and buzz of low-volume chatter gets more feverish. After a short toilet break I return to my seat, with DB chairing proceedings. He introduces his audience to the three panellists: Faith (Publishing Agent), Deirdre (Editing) and an Irish-American veteran of the bookselling business, Tony.

We are attentive as DB speaks, firstly, to Faith. She begins by saying that there is “not many agents in Ireland” and stresses the importance of submitting manuscripts in the correct time and “getting the pitch right.” She speaks clearly, through experience, and seems quite professional. Faith continues by saying that there are “a lot of different stages in the publishing process.” The Publishing Agent informs us that her job is as a ‘go-between’ with the author and the publisher and also says that she reads everything sent her way, “except sci-fi books.” She advises writers not to “over-sell your work”

Deirdre is up next. She says that authors must be 100 per cent happy before submitting work. She communicates with great sincerity and gives us an invaluable insight into the world of publishing and outlines the whole process involved. By listening to Deirdre one gets an understanding of the hoops and roundabouts associated with publishing a book and her knowledge of editing is generously shared with us. When asked, she replies that Short stories are not as popular as in the past and that it is “hard to get shops to enthuse” about them.

As he questions his guests, DB gives his amusing experiences of book titles as the audience warms to the occasion. The third guest is Tony, an American with a distinctive Irish brogue, and he tells of his background editing in the world of books. As he reminisces over his experiences a child screams in the distance – reminds me of mass on a Sunday. Ciarán Carty, the Hennessy book award, the Sunday Tribune, the Francis MacManus award are some of the subjects Tony touches upon this evening. DB says that literary awards are ten-a-penny and over-rated.

When she receives manuscripts for publishing, Deirdre says that a lack of punctuation and spelling mistakes are annoying and she gets put off with this careless attitude. She’s similarly unimpressed with work being sent to her by email. Faith agrees with this view. Throwing in his penny’s worth, Tony says that there is a much shorter shelf life for books in shops these days.

This is a fascinating night of discussion and, though I’m not planning on writing a tome any time soon, there are valuable insights to be learned. Comedy writing is a subject that interests me so it was with great interest that I listened as the panel turned to this style of writing. Deirdre is “nervous about” this topic and Faith says it’s very hard to get right. Everyone is agreed that there’s not many who are working in this genre with Paul Howard’s ‘Ross O’Carroll-Kelly being a popular exception.

Book writing is incredibly hard work and can take up over two years of your life. This leads me to believe that writing, initially at any rate, is a recreation, not a job. It should be viewed as a career. As this public meeting draws to a close, members of the audience question the panellists. Novel writing, childrens books and poetry are all given an airing and I get the feeling that pride is a big part of writing. Faith says that genre is less important than the quality of what is submitted.

DB brings things to a conclusion by reminding people that new writers are always needed to perpetuate the bookselling business. Over the course of about two hours a fair amount is learned about the minutiae of the publishing and editing of books and I found it to be of benefit. There was a good turnout this evening and my attention was kept for the duration, it has made me aware of the various angles of book publishing.

DB will continue with another night of discussion with the writer, Carlo Gebler, on 17th November next at 8pm in Deansgrange Library.

Not a good Drumm role

Last Thursday (15th October 2009) Myles Dungan, deputising for Pat Kenny, presented Kenny’s radio show from Donegal. One of his guests was a local, Pearse Doherty. Doherty spoke to Dungan on a number of issues, both ideological and pragmatic. For me it was refreshing to hear him highlight two issues that concern the people of Donegal.

Firstly the lack of a rail service from Dublin to Donegal. This may have something to do with the north-western terrain, hard to know why. But Doherty’s second point was the disgraceful way that the people of Donegal do not have adequate cancer care – in 2009! It is appalling to think that these people are not getting the treatment they need – something that other parts of the country are receiving. Doherty speaks well and the locals cheer when he is scathing of the government.

His words ring loudly when you look at the €70,000 bonus which will be dished up to chief executive of the HSE, Brendan Drumm. At a time of cuts and ‘belt-tightening’ it is surely immoral for this fellow to be getting a bonus of this magnitude. At very least the government should have it reduced. The people of Donegal are forgotten, despite the Tánaiste being a local TD. They deserve better.

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Last week John O’Donohue TD donned the robes of the office (?) of Ceann Comhairle for the last time. Chauffer-driven cars, trips to Longchamps and expensive stays at top hotels may also be at an end as the TD for south Kerry tries to restore his political career.

In his resignation speech, he defended his character and challenged others who criticised him most notably Eamon Gilmore, Labour leader, who is widely believed to have wielded the critical blow that finished O’Donohue’s time as Ceann Comhairle.

From the highs of being minister for Justice to the plateau of the department of arts and entertainment, Mr O’Donohue has now been stripped of the plum job of Ceann Comhairle.

Will his time be up as a TD? Mr O’Donohue says that’s a matter for the people of south Kerry, people who may feel he’s being badly treated by the media and the Dublin intelligencia. Mr O’Donohue’s next move will be of considerable interest to observers.