An Accidental TD

During my early 20’s (the mid 1990’s) I wanted to work in retail and found myself training in retail sales specifically designed for people with disabilities. Some of my colleagues had more obvious difficulties than others but we all had a healthy respect for each other and this made co-operation altogether easier. If I had worked with people who weren’t disabled I would have struggled. So it was a wonderful opportunity to throw off the shackles of mental illness and put my increasing energy towards a future in retail. The course was due to run for two years and then I’d be as rich as Bill Gates and as powerful as a God. Unsurprisingly it didn’t turn out like that. During the second year’s training I was posted (almost like the army!) for a time in the Dáil and got to see some action (no, not combat).

At the time John Bruton was Taoiseach and the country was on the edges of the Celtic Tiger. Each morning when I arrived at Leinster House I’d collect the milk and wait for my superior to arrive and open the shop (An Siopa). Once open I would be given various tasks to do in the morning: Refilling the fridge, sweeping the floor etc. Usually at c.11am I’d be given a ten minute break and I would stride into the main building, over the plinth, feeling like a VIP. The main hall was adorned with portraits of all the Taoisigh that served the state down through the years. The ceilings were beautiful with chandeliers hanging brightly and it was, quite properly, palatial in keeping with the importance of Ireland’s national parliament. Going past the hall I then would walk down a long corridor which was arched (can’t help feeling it was modelled on Westminster).

As I approached the Dáil restaurant the clanking and banging of plates etc got gradually louder. In the morning there wouldn’t be too many politicians around but that depended on circumstance. Regardless of how many TD’s or Senators were present there always seemed to be a constant hum around the restaurant. Television monitors were perched from various angles allowing the patrons to view proceedings in both chambers whilst not having to leave their food/drink. Rehab were quite kind to us trainees and we were entitled to a small discount on some of the food available. The cook seemed to have a soft spot for me and I was regularly the recipient of an extra portion of desert with my meals (those were my fat years). Ah the pleasures of Leinster House.

Upon my return to An Siopa, after my break, I would be tasked with the responsibility of sorting the various newspapers and magazines that we sold whilst colleagues would swop with me and get their break. Gardai, TD’s, Senators, Journalists and Civil Servants would constantly require our services and at times the tiny emporium would be very busy (especially around 1 o’clock in the afternoon). I’ll never forget the image of Mary Harney parking her car and walking towards us in her track-suit (I wonder does she wear a hoody?) clearly she had a day off. Ms H never bought anything from us – those PD’s were always tight with money anyhow.

Regular customers included: Batt O’Keefe TD (now education minister), Seymour Crawford TD, Noel Treacy TD, John Mulvihill TD and the late Jim Kemmy TD amongst many others. Alan Dukes TD was still in politics at the time and he would have to bend his head to get inside the shop due to his height. My superior always went into a fit of giggles whenever the former Kildare deputy came in. She’d lock herself into the back room and I always was asked to serve him. A gentleman.

Cigarettes were what he wanted and Des O’Malley TD would also buy his ‘smokes’ in An Siopa but I can recall him being slightly grumpy and red-faced (not from embarrassment I’m sure). I think he was rather impatient, it might have come from years of trying to oust Mr Haughey. That would try anyone’s patience. All the same ‘Dessie’ was not once rude to me and I was never a great admirer of the former Taoiseach anyway. Although any political opinions, on my part, had to be suppressed understandably.

Mary O'Rourke TD swanned around like the Queen of Sheba. That woman was made for political life: one of the most gregarious TD's ever elected to serve, it's a shame she never became Taoiseach.

On one occasion I happened to be near the plinth when the late Niall Andrews, then an MEP, asked me to photograph himself and a colleague. I have always had enormous respect for the Andrews family so it was a pleasure to co-operate.

Senator David Norris – now there’s a colourful individual. He had chewing gum kept on credit and would pay a weekly sum to An Siopa to cover his expenses. Now in his sixties, I hope he continues to chew. The Senator would brighten the darkest of corners and he always had a rather cheerful demeanour. A stalwart of latter-day Irish Politics and academia it was always a pleasant experience to have the famous Joycean scholar darken the door of our retail outlet, as well as splashing some of his cash with us of course.

Another Senator who was a frequent customer was Feargal Quinn. The former supermarket supremo once had me counting Dáil and Seanad pens for a group of his guests who were visiting the Irish houses of parliament.

Sam Mc Aughtry was a Senator back then and although he had the excuse that he was rather elderly he was, I can recall, rather uninterested in conversation. A gruff Ulsterman, his appointment to the upper house was possibly an attempt by the government to appease Unionism. The so-called ‘Peace Process’ was extremely delicate then and so he may have to have been extra cautious with whom he spoke to, even a minion like me.

My time in An Siopa came to an end in January 1997 and I was to, later that year, take up a position in a record shop (a long held dream). However I look back fondly of my time spent in Leinster House and it’s environs. It was, and is, the nearest I’ll get to being a politician – not a career for me. It angers me when people blindly curse these public representatives. What about being on call 24 hours a day? The lack of privacy? They have to be accountable to literally millions of people 24/7. The TD’s and Senators may not always set the highest of standards from time to time but, by God they have a heavy workload.

So think about that next time you tell a politician to 'fuck off' when they come to canvass at your door. Remember: they are human too.