African culture and Irish life

"Are you bi? are you gay?what gender were you born?…."

The above questions were bowled my way by a charming African lady of my aquaintance. I meet her occasionally and we always have a congenial chat, but after our last chance encounter I felt a bit taken aback. My sexual experience is rather limited, it must be said, but at 37 years of age I am a confirmed hetrosexual man – no doubt about it! Being quizzed about it felt quite unusual but I always try and answer any questions put my way. Heart on sleeve.

My Kenyan friend cannot understand why I do not have a partner, despite making it clear that I don’t want to remain single. Celibacy is not for me and the frustration in finding a partner is tough. However it is only one part of life and I try not to let it get me down.

My conversation with the nice lady made me think about the cultural differences between African and Irish people. I am fortunate to have a number of African friends and some are religious, some are not, but all are fiercely intelligent. I am living in a country where cynicism co-exists with friendly banter and this doesn’t always fit the average African person.

In my experience you know where you stand with Africans and they are not given to gossip or slanderous comments. The Irish are not as gentle, though, and the emerald isle is now home to many African people. I feel that they will have to (like many of the Irish diaspora worldwide) learn to fit in to our way of life.To assimilate.

Yes we should accomodate different cultures and people but they will have to make an effort to understand Irish life. We, of course, must learn about the culture surrounding imigrants as well. If no effort is made we will end up in an atmosphere of mutual suspicion and that spells disaster.

I am fascinated by the traditions of the African diaspora in Ireland but we cannot pretend that we are a nation in the equatorial continent. Understanding each other is the key to progressing and sometimes that is missed here. My Kenyan friend, I feel, is not relaxed enough with the Irish lifestyle.

I would love to have an African girlfriend and next time I converse with my aquaintance I will ask her to assist me in this regard rather than go down the road of gender and sexual orientation, which is not really relevant to me.

The idea of showing my way of life to an African lover would be a pleasure and then, correspondingly, I can allow myself to learn more about her culture. That is the best way to grow in life and for us all to understand each other in the new, multicultural Ireland.