Book Review: 'Millions of women are waiting to meet you'

'Millions of women are waiting to meet you'
By Sean Thomas
(Bloomsbury)

This book, which I got in my local library, caught my eye because it records the author's valiant attempts to find ultimate satisfaction through the web. He's looking for a loving relationship with a woman - something I can relate to. The book is a document of women he has e-mailed through online dating. These excitable ladies call themselves names such as:Bongowoman, Lizziegirl, Chinalady5, Bumps. Before long Mr Thomas is telling us about his sexual exploits with some of the women he meets following online correspondence.

There were moments, reading this book, that irritated me: all the oral sex, anal sex and the boastful way he talks of it. However Thomas does allow us a good, candid glimpse into his personal life, not something every writer is happy to put into print, nevermind script a book about.

The only part of the book that seriously rankled with me was Thomas' words relating to abortion.In order to avoid parenthood he persuades his pregnant sexual partners to terminate the life of the foetus. Even as a pro-choice person, I was upset at this cavalier attitude and the author lost my respect at that point.

Mr Thomas' adventures had been set by the editor he worked for and at the end of the book he rounds things off by admitting that internet dating hasn't really changed his life. Many would agree. I suspect most who try online dating are really quite desperate. I've had my own experiences with that type of dating and have found it underwhelming - just like this book!

Why read it though? Because Mr Thomas is honest about his adventures and the book offers great entertainment. He is courageous in describing his indulgence in one off gay sex. Thomas has an 'Access all areas'approach to the book and therefore doesn't alienate the reader: Hetro-Bi-Homo or even the Transvestite. If it's sex you're after then reading this book will give you all you desire. Except it's just a book and shouldn't be taken too seriously by the reader.
© Ian Callagy 2009

Vicky Christina Barcelona

Just been to see VCB and what a joy it was. The film is crammed with romance and Woody Allen has worked his magic once more. Javier Bardem stars along with Scarlett Johansson (Christine) and Rebecca Hall (Vicky), but it is Penelope Cruz that steals the prize and the passion is really stoked up when her character enters the movie. Bardem, Johanson and Cruz end up having a threesome and the resulting passion is as hot as a dragon's breath in the Sahara.

Hall and Johansson are two American students/tourists in Barcelona and through a chance meeting they meet up with Bardem. Bardem makes no secret that he wants to take both girls to bed with him - not to test out the pillows! At first Hall is totally non-plussed by the request whilst Johansson is game to the idea. Before you have time to draw breath the three are flying to Oviedo in Spain where Bardem plans to seduce the two ladies.

Once they arrive in Oviedo Johansson is ready to have carnal affairs with Bardem. However she ends up having an ulcer and is thus unable to 'get it on'. Bardem is relaxed and, through a few scenes, Hall is the one who has sex with the Spaniard - even though she is engaged. In fact her marriage is going ahead quite soon.Flying back to Barcelona, Hall says nothing to betray the truth of the night of passion and it is presumed she wants to forget what happened between them, such is her guilt.

The movie moves along at a gentle pace and the scenery is beautiful. The music that Allen has put on the soundtrack is also quite wonderful - guitar played in a Spanish style which adds to the romantic nature of the film.

When Cruz's character (Bardem's ex-wife) comes into the film a relationship has begun between Johanson and Bardem. The real spice starts from the realisation, by Cruz, that Johanson is Bardem's new squeeze. This leads to a feeling of jealousy on the part of the character played by Cruz and ends up with Johansson, Bardem and Cruz having a threesome.

At the end the film winds up with the varied romantic liaisons being unresolved, but Allen's skill at extracting romance succeeds - a wonderful feel good movie. The only downside is the supremely irritating husband of Hall's (Chris Messina) - he's a twerp.Hopefully he isn't like that in real life.

This film of Allen's will please his many fans.But anyone with a love of Barcelona will enjoy it also.The tourism business in that part of Spain,one would imagine, will benefit considerably from the director's choice of film location. It definitely brought huge enjoyment to me and it was a pleaure to watch, even if I'm a Woody Allen fan.Furthermore, when leaving the cinema I overheard some elderly women discussing the film. They plan to visit Barcelona and that must be seen as a victory for everyone involved in the film. A triumph!
© Ian Callagy 2009

A change at last

US Vice-president Joe Biden was in Munich, recently, at a security conference. According to The Guardian Mr. Biden "set a new tone...offered a new approach". He is, along with the new administration, working to change the international perception of America. The hawk has been grounded and the dove has been given the green light. Hopefully it will be allowed fly.

Last year, in the Chronical, I wrote of the damage the US neo-cons were doing across the world. The appalling way American diplomacy was being used, the outrages Abu Ghraib prison to Guantanamo Bay and the acceptance of torture in the form of 'Water boarding'. Mr. Obama is now beginning to rectify these negative actions. In early 2009 his government is sending out a good message to Russia: co-operation, not coercion.

This effort on the part of the new American leaders must not go unheeded by Russia. It is their duty to meet and match the US position and the proliferation of nuclear armaments must be ended. It is imperative that Vladimir Putin accepts that change, for the better, is needed and that his government understands that a more peaceful world is in all of our hands.

US Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton echoes her colleagues in the new administration and identifies this positive emphasis, by her government, on world affairs. She told BBC News:”There is a pent-up desire on the part of the United States government under the Obama administration, as well as partners around the world, that we begin to work together to solve a lot of our common problems...on climate change, pandemic prevention, nuclear proliferation, on all of these serious threats and challenges that we face, we are going to assume a leading role again.”

Could this be a new departure by the US? Perhaps. A positive start – let’s hope it continues moving in that direction.
© Ian Callagy 2009

Ian Calloni 1972-2009

The famous movie star, Ian Calloni, has died at the age of 36. Mr Calloni’s agent confirmed the star had been battling Sexual Tension for the last 20 years. It is understood that the actor had been having moments of intense anxiety when in the presence of beautiful women in local libraries, newsagents and wherever he went. Fellow stars, Ton Crews and David Breakhands are said to be in deep shock at the news and many women across Ireland are now relieved that the Italian/Irish star will now be at the end of his tension.

Calloni, the star of many romantic comedies, is understood to have no children from no marriages and this, it is believed, was the reason for his tension. Doctors treating the Lothario say that if not treated in time ST can lead to severe symptoms developing. “No-one should suffer from this form of ST. Only with the steamiest sex sessions can the condition be managed. ” Dr S. Ex, a Japanese expert on ST, told reporters.

In a bid to cure himself of ST, Mr Calloni made several trips to Thailand but the disease had spread all over his mind and body and local sex therapists say there was nothing that could have been done. Chung Tai, a sex expert in the famous Asian nation, has written several books on ST and says that “the most severe strains in some men can lead to death and this is what happened to Mr Calloni”.

Mr Calloni’s funeral will be in Dublin following a removal. “I would love to have shagged that man” Roxy Jordan, a local socialite told the congregation, “Maybe some more action would have cured him, it’s so sad”. “It’s a shame, he was a ride”, added top Irish model, Pussy Phelan. Mr Calloni’s family have asked that only the sexiest women in Ireland should bury the body and that only red roses be tossed into the grave. A special erection is planned for next Valentines Day.

Human Rights campaigners have set up a charity, Campaign ST, to try and fund development into the condition. There will be fund raising sex sessions performed in numerous Sex clubs all over Ireland on Valentines Day coming (and hopefully there will be plenty of coming!). Dr Ex says the problem is not the end of the world: “ST should be taken seriously and not ignored. It is perfectly possible to live a normal life but with plenty of sex”. Dr Ex says approx 0 people suffer from ST annually in Ireland and Mr Calloni should think himself unlucky.

Anyone wishing to make a donation to Campaign ST should contact the following number: sxsxsx exex xsxex xsx

Pete Doherty V Pat Kenny

Sorry folks - I have just watched (21st March) the Late Late Show with PD and Kenny is extremely patronising and condescending in it. However Doherty is equally as charmless. One of the worst, most cringe-inducing interviews I have ever seen. Judge for yourselves:


I was out drinking with the staff of TOTALLY DUBLIN last Friday night and was blissfully unaware that Pete Doherty was appearing on that night's LATE LATE SHOW. Even had I known of his presence I wouldn't care a tuppence. PD or his music does not remotely interest me.

But there has been some anger generated by Pat Kenny's interview style, specifically referring to Doherty as a 'junkie'. Some of the criticism directed at Kenny was justified and it is true he probably is out of touch with music the Babyshambles star is famous for. Pat is 61 and by that age you have a way of living that may not be in harmony with people 40 years younger.

PD is a drug addict and you cannot ignore that fact. The music business flows on drugs and it's hard to avoid that lifestyle - restraint is not a word any rock star can utter without coming over hypocritical. Pete Doherty has chosen to go down that path and, frankly, if PK didn't talk to Pete about his addiction he would not be conducting a professional interview. The public interest is served when the interviewer asks the difficult as well as the easy questions.

I'm not holding a light for Kenny but, bearing in mind I didn't see the interview, Doherty is not a figure of restraint. To be fair to him he'd probably be a more interesting subject to read about in the NME rather than an appearance on live television. In the pages of that rag Doherty would be able to roam free of anything that might offend him, or his many fans.

The Death Penalty

Last September, a woman (23) was stoned to death in Somalia. Her alleged crime was stated as ‘Adultery’. In some countries this punishment can be justified due for reasons such as: homosexuality, political dissent, rape, adultery. Very often these ‘crimes’, are sometimes in conflict with fanatical religious organisations. However the woman’s sister told Women Living Under Muslim Laws (WLUML) that “the stoning was totally irreligious and illogical". The Somali authorities may say that the punishment was acceptable in Islamic law but pain is pain in anyone’s language.

Here in Ireland the Catholic Church stayed silent for a long time and did not challenge capital punishment. Archbishop McQuaid could have been more vocal on that issue as some of his successors no doubt would be. The last person to be hanged here was in 1954 and there is zero chance that anyone would be deprived of life, in this way, by the state these days.

The murders of Dt Garda Jerry Mc Cabe, Shane Geoghan, Robert Holohan, and many others have not been punished by execution and most civilised nations do not resort to capital punishment in modern times. Governments should not be taking life. In Ireland there is a very strong lobby against Abortion and whenever the subject is up for discussion many people feel outraged. How can it be acceptable for there to be protection (anti-abortion) of life that goes side by side with capital punishment?

In the case of the murder of Jill Dando, Barry George, the chief suspect, was found to be innocent. Mr George, it was later revealed in a Sky News interview, had mental difficulties and clearly had no way of rebuffing his accusers, the Police. If the death sentence were allowed in the UK it is likely that George would now be dead – a huge miscarriage of justice.

In conclusion, if slavery was re-introduced in the western world there would be an outcry. Similarly execution would be inhuman.. Perhaps the most notorious prisoner of all, Nelson Mandela, said in his memoirs, ‘Long Walk to Freedom’: “Man’s goodness is a flame that can be hidden, but never extinguished.” Everyone has the right to repent and change, even the criminal. It is for the above reasons that the death penalty is wrong and should not be allowed.

A life in buses

The comedy actor, Reg Varney, died last year aged 92. Varney starred in a 1970's comedy series called On the buses which ran for 60 TV episodes. It was a huge success and depicted bus drivers and the inspectors in a humorous light.The programme was fictional and, for the 1970's, was amusing enough.

That is where the fun ends. It's a cold and sleet filled morn and I'm waiting for a bus into town and the wait is the cause of stress. I am cursing Dublin Bus under my breath. I've been waiting for the last 20 years for buses and you never get used to it. CIE (DB's parent company) are axing hundreds of jobs and the fleet of buses, according to media reports, is to be reduced by 10 per cent - 120 buses.

So there is going to be less buses to use for the average public transport commuter. But the really annoying fact is that my five-day bus ticket has jumped from E18.50 up to E20. How's that for an insult? The service is getting worse yet DB are asking us, the passengers, to reward this bad service by increasing the costs to us. Think about it. It's like Aer Lingus telling holidaymakers to pay more on an air fare because there has been a delay. Ridiculous. Only in Ireland.

Last year it emerged that a private bus operator had been forced to close because of Dublin Bus flooding the routes that the private company ran buses on. This is typical of the anti-competitive slant we get in this country. The government would be doing us all a favour if the 120 buses mentioned above were tendered out to a private company.

On the television, last night, it was stated that one of the reasons the recession is affecting jobs was the over-reliance on foreign multi-nationals as well as the fact that unskilled workers were losing out. This must stop and a spirit of enterprise must start to take root and the people who pull the strings at DB must begin to realise that the most important people are the passengers.

My bank balance is E20 lighter each week and I would be happy to pay a private company to deliver me to my destinations - maybe they would treat their passengers/customers a little better. Competition is a good idea, not a threat as some state agencies seem to think. In the words of Jack Charlton: "Go and compete!"

Out of work

I’ve just switched on Aertel (RTE’s teletext service) this morning: "Talks between the Government and the social partners on a plan to reduce government spending have resumed at Government Buildings......The government is seeking to cut E2bn in spending this year, and is trying to reach agreement on wider five year plan to reduce spending by E16bn. "

Sky News ran a report, over the last couple of days, in which the Irish economy came under the spotlight. One of its reporters, Stuart Ramsay, was dispatched to Dublin and his report, alongside some nice pictures of the Liffey and its environs, made for very sober viewing. A local builder showed Ramsay around a deserted building site that was now ‘dead’ – it had only been partially completed. The builder told Sky News that he had employees that were with him for over 20 years who he would no longer be able to pay and the future was looking quite bleak. All this only months ago, when the Celtic Tiger was roaring, could not have been foreseen.

Waterford Wedgewood, Dell and redundancies at CIE and other businesses and services nationwide, are all leading to an increase in unemployment. Whilst the government worries about spending, large organisations either crash (Woolworths, Zavvi) or, they reduce the work force significantly (M&S, Superquinn).

Each day, on my way to college, I walk past the snaking queue, out onto the street, for those seeking welfare payments. It is a sorry sight: many would not have expected to be in the position of looking for work only a year ago. The construction business is being hit badly and bricklayers and builders, some who left school without formal qualifications, are now faced with the harsh economic reality that everyone curses about: The Recession.

The economic problems such as those outlined above are being analysed closely by the media but it is the individual that is just as important, the human cost. How is bread put on the table? Can couples have a bigger family? Can we pay off the mortgage? Will we have to sell the car? How will I get alternative employment?

With less money being spent retailers are being badly hit at the moment. Maybe there were too many shops in this country anyway. I was in the library yesterday and looking at books on the economy. One of the books quoted Dr Garret FitzGerald (keeping the Celtic Tiger “purring”, in his words). It seems that no-one thought the striped cat would ever die.

But being made redundant, as I can testify, is no picnic. There are predictions that unemployment will rise and rise. Across Europe the picture is much the same with rioting in France, UK and Russia being reported by the media – arising out of the economic downturn. At this point the future looks more uncertain than ever and it feels like everyone is being tangled up in this web.

The tennis from Melbourne is on the television at the moment but they’ve lost the sound, seems nothing is working. Ah! that reminds me there’s work in Australia (and a heat wave too). So maybe it’s not such a bad time to go under…….